i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
