Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
