Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
