I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize