i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
