Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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