I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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