My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize