just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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