I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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