THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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