I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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