guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
