I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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