I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize