I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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