I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
