my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
