We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
