Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize