Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
