none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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