its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Congratulations! We have a period
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