Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
