So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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