If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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