why didn't you poke me back
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
