Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize