Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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