when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
