there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
