well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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