In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
