Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
