hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
