At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
