I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
