i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
