Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
