I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
