as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
