just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
