What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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