We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
