Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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