I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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