I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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