i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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