Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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