Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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