So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
