she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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