I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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