I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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