and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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