She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
