Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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