Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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