"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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