Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
