it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize