I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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