I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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