So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
