Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
