She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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