i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
