Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
