Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
