Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
