you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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