He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
